I may be nearing a half century but inside there is still the teenager that was filled with glee when finding pics of King Diamond in Metal Forces magazine and reading the blasphemous over the top lyrics of Venom and Bathory.

That inner spotty youth caused me to reach out with both hands for this release from Swedish blasphemous Black metallers WAN. AntiChristian Douchebags. There is something about the use of such a silly American self-deprecating insult that meant I had to hear this , their fourth full length release in 12 years.

As one may expect this is not highbrow Avant-Garde post Black Metal, nor, however is it bestial bone crunching neanderthal War metal. What Wan offer with their tongues in their corpse painted cheeks, is old school early 90’s lo-fi Black Metal – think early Marduk and the usual Norwegian crews. The titles may offer up a grin or two – their last album was entitled Wan Way to Hell but the music is harsh, organic, crypt rumbling Black Metal.

There are 13 tracks on offer here (of course there are) beginning with the raging mid pacer The Viper which plunges the listener straight into the slimy dark crevasses that WAN inhabit. Part Darkthrone part Bathory and part balls out chest thumping Venom.  WAN hit a much ignored middle ground for extremity where so many in the roaring twenties seem to be firing off into ethereal realms or aiming for neanderthal brutality the aim of the game here is to pummel the listener with full on, no pretences, sweat and snot heavy fucking black metal.

This album could be marketed at Crossfitters – I am sure there is an exercise they must do that involves holding a weight in your fist and shaking it at the sky. This album is full of those type of anthems. Twinsot has me banging my head and chopping an invisible skyplank before bowing down to a mythical beast during the slower chug parts whilst Redeemer, Saviour, Skank should be on a Tony Hawk game of extreme sports video – it’s ferocity only halting for punky stabs.  Midskog slows things down for a hellish doomy lo fi chuggathon that feels like being dragged through an underground cavern by a masked beast with a thorny phallus toward a sacrificial altar. Or summat.

It is probably plain from this review that there is something gloriously 1980’s about WAN in their outlook and execution. This album is the sort of thing my friends and I would have wet ourselves over in the tape trading days and is worth wearing a Tenna men or lady for in 2022. What a puddle of piddle when you can thrash and rage hard?

To prove this point track 13 on AntiChristian Douchebags is a call to arms. A metal anthem as offered by all the great from Metallica, to Manowar to Darkthrone. WAN have “The Roots of Metal”.  Before we get there though there is the wonderfully brilliant 53 seconds of Dekket av Sno – which appears to come straight out of Brazil. These Swedes have channelled Sarcofago and a bit of Ratos Parao for a some raging backthrashcore that swung me by the short and curlies before launching me for the wall. Thank goodness the filth beer and sweat soaked denim and spikes of the final track was there to catch me.  This unashamedly egotistical anthem owes much to Circle the Wagons and FOAD era Fenriz and Nocturno but with Under A Funeral Moon style production. Proper crusty sounds.  “We make it Filthy. We march in black. We bring you to hell. We bring it back. To the roots of Metal”.

You know what I should have just typed that as my review.

Curses!

(8/10 Matt Mason)

https://www.facebook.com/TheUnholyWAN

https://fallentemple.bandcamp.com/album/antichristian-douchebags