Better late than never. An adage for buses and orgasms and also reviews. This fine slab of grind/crust /punk/noise dropped in January of this year, whereby I picked it up via Bandcamp. The main protagonist Arthur “Beardo” Malloy – guitars and vocals asked me to review the album and meant to send me a vinyl copy to get my lugs round. Well, Covid time is like Fiji time – everything flows like treacle so here we are in October and I now have the said album. In the mean-time Arthur and his fellow conspirator Dom Smith (drums and vocals) have continued playing where the plague allowed and managed a blistering set at Bloodstock on the Jaeger stage – which I sadly missed due to interviewing commitments. I even missed Arthur sneaking into the Serpent’s Lair to insult one of my best mates for a Facebook wheelie but I digress.  

There is summat about a two piece. I know that it has been a little on trend in recent years with a lot of the indie schmindie peeps doing the gruesome twosome thang but sometimes the answer to Brucey’s eternal question “What do you get for a pair?” is a bloody marvellous racket. Look at 2 Sick Monkeys, Darkthrone or my local faves Nazi Mincer (just Mincer now but I love the original moniker).  Having seen Boycott the Baptist live at a local 70 cap venue here in Ipswich I can tell you from personal experience that they got the chops. 

“Fatal Attraction …..” is their second full length following the todger tastic album art of “Did you just assume my beverage”  and is 11 tracks of sneering tongue in cheek but finger on the point punk rock. 

Yes, it can come across as agitprop and piss taking and the use of “that” West’s pic on the lyric sheet is a little on the nose but the music and lyrics stand up high and proud and bring to mind UK greats like Stupids, Electro Hippies and Doom as well as comedy satirists the Kunts.  

The album is 11 songs and 34 mins so you gotta strap yourself in, lube yourself up and grin – no need to bear it – you’ll love it.  

Opening with a cover of Aphex Twin classic come to Daddy is brave but they do it well. I love the original, the DEP and Patton version and this one. Boycott the Baptist open it with a Hawkwind style phaser before giving the creepy track a dirty crust meets industrial face lift.  

The fact that this is not the stand out on the album says a lot about the other tracks.  

George Orwell features a couple of times on this album – “You Go Steady Now” opens with his famous quote re a boot stamping on a human face …forever “, before erupting into a dirty crusty rock and roll ditty that is like the Varukers meets the Hellacopters.  “The things I’ve done for minimum wage would make you sick. I hope I die before I get old. Unlike Roger Daltrey”.  

“Having a Belter on the Helter Skelter” is like a down and dirty crust doom track played in a backroom sticky with scrumpy. Proper dirty crust with double time breakdowns and bitterness.  

“Egg” makes me laugh every time. “All these crust bands talking about like war and shit. You’ve never died or been in a war” Funny but true and who can’t resist a bounce along crossover chorus of Eggeggeggeggeggegg?  

“George Orwell was Pretty Much Right About Everything” is groovy number with a riff that digs its claws in – reminds me a little of Raging Speedhorn and Charger – I can hear Jim Palmer jamming out this one and a lovely lil stoner section too under the grind crust vox. 

“Legs Akimbo” is spacey and punky. Like Motorhead meets Discharge with fuck off big chugging breaks. The drums throughout this album stay clean and punky and avoid D-beat or blasts giving each track some room to breathe.  

“Time for Sloppy Seconds from the Priests Holy Mamba” is a much done but still much needed poke at child abuse within the church done in the style of FOAD era Darkthrone. Gnarly and dark with a tasty crust for dipping.  

Next up are a couple of comedic AC style moments “ Ooooh I’ve got angst” and “DSR I hope you die of AIDS” . In jokes? Dunno. Don’t do a lot for me but at least remind me of the old days and daft little album inserts.  

It’s back to gnarly filth with “The Butchers” which gives me Exploited and Discharge vibes but filtered through a dirty NOLA EHG sound. Love it.  

Which brings us to the hilarious but wonderful “Chris Barnes on his PMT” with its nonsensical stream of consciousness lyrics in the SFU and former Cannibal frontman’s gurgled style. Bassy and nasty with a killer groovy riff – listen with the lyric sheet for giggles amongst the groove and headbanging.  

Boycott the Baptist have released a corker of an album that may have slipped under your radar but it is worth letting this acid tongued and shitty fingered duo into your lives in these plague-ridden times. They got groove for days and wit for weeks.  

(8.5/10 Matt Mason)

https://www.facebook.com/BoycottTheBaptist

https://boycottthebaptistuk.bandcamp.com/album/fatal-attraction-and-shitty-landlords