I’ll be honest I have never heard of A Hill to Die Upon but that is not saying much. I am no encyclopaedia or gatekeeper of all things rock and metal.  They obviously have some good connections though as they have roped in some more famous names to guest – Karl Sanders of Nile, Ole Borud of Extol and the legend that is Sakis Tollis of Rotting Christ. This last one is interesting. Remember the stink MegaDave kicked up a few years ago when Rotting Christ were meant to share a bill with his band and it went against his Christian faith? Well here is Sakis appearing on this album by a band who profess to be Christians but not Christian metal (or Unblack – ugh what a term).

The band from Illinois are a Progressive Blackened Death metal band consisting of brothers Adam and Michael Cook – Vox guitars and Vox Drums respectively. They are joined by buddy Nolan Osmond also on guitars.

It’s a mixed bag of an album. The opening track which features Karl Sanders surprised me. Hymn to Marduk (I take it that is the deity rather than the sweaty Swedes.) This is a slice of dark American folk. It reminds me of Wovenhand – slide guitar, bodhran drums and a deliciously dark and brooding melody.  Not at all what I was expecting and certainly piqued my curiosity.

Veni Veni Emanual that follows is more straightforward slow paced groovy Black/Death track and I suddenly realise that the majority of this album is covers of Christmas hymns. Now this is niche but not unheard of. That other famed Christian metaller Rob Halford released his Winter Songs in 2009 and it was warmly received even by this sceptical antitheist. So I plough on and relive carol concerts of my youth.  One side effect though is any time I hear “We Three Kings” my childish brain immediately goes to the version that ends with one on a scooter blowing his hooter smoking a big cigar. Sorry folks. I mean the tunes here are classics – played and sung for centuries in some cases but of course here they are given a metallic facelift.

Ole Borud lends a hand to “What Child Is This?” and I start to think about Christmas albums in general – Twisted Sister did one, I have one by Oi band The Boys somewhere and I remember getting one by Shuttupayaface Aussie Jo Dulce as a nipper. Why release an album with a such a short shelf life? DO people really drag these out once a year to counteract Step Into Christmas and Band Aid.  This track with the Extol guys is a dull dirge and sounds like one of those TikTOk vids of some guy doing tracks in the style of – in this case Paradise Lost and Extol.

Left Handed Wizard (My Eyes Look West) is next and was a single from the album. This is back to the folk style of the opening track but without the dark foreboding I enjoyed. I am afraid here I am just a little bored. Next up is a cast iron Christmas cracker of a tune going by its original Teutonic title of Stille Nacht (makes it sound kvkt) . If I ever wondered whether I needed to hear someone rasping “Holy infant so tender and miilllld – sleep in heavenly peace” and then croak the chorus in a Black Metal parody – well I need wonder no more.  This is a serious album yeah? Not a piss take?  As I am listening to the album I am racking my brain and the internet for the bizarre one man Black metal lo fi project with the big wig that uses pink pyramids in his videos. Cannot for the life of me remember it. His work is more respectable than this twaddle.

Speaking of France we are off there next for a carol I have never heard of before Entre le Beouf. This is a quick blast of comedy – I can imagine Carpathian Forest tacking this on the end of an album.

Next the horror that is Auld Lang Syne – I am still traumatised by Tony and Cherie Blair singing this at the Millennium Dome. Seriously – of all the Hills to die upon you chose shitty covers of Xmas and Yuletide songs? The only solace is that it’s an acoustic instrumental so it sounds like a John Lewis ad. Not much solace. I am the little boy that Satan Claws forgot.  Hearing Sacred Harp 133 – Hebrew Children on the day that a cease fire and hostage swap is being brokered is poignant and strange. Where are the Hebrew children – safe in the promised land are the lyrics to this, another track I have not heard before. Where are they dragging these from? I am sure the original is a great Sunday School ditty but my days of Church parade and scout woggles are long in the past.

Remember I really enjoyed that opening track Hymn to Marduk. Well A Hill to Die Upon are not happy to leave me enjoying it. Oh no. How about a reprise of it with Sakis Talis and Bruce Fitzurgh of Xtian metallers Living Sacrifice. All the interesting and moody atmosphere of the opener is destroyed by cod gruff doomy death overwrought nonsense. Booooooooooooooooooooooo. Not very Christian of you at all I say.

To finish another French hymn Minuit Chretien (O Holy Night) – is one of their kids doing a project or summat. This time it is sung by a far off female voice that sounds like she is coming through the ether from a French Resistance bunker in occupied Paris of 1940.  What was the point?

In fact what was the point of this whole album. Let’s just pretend that the opener was a dingle. Yeah that’s it. Great track.

The devil really does have the best tunes. Bring back St Winnifred school choir.

Oh I better score the whole thing.

(1/10 Matt Mason)  

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