With brutal death metal and slam, there are two major schools of thought. That which revolves around making it as brutally heavy and serious as possible, and there is the other which involves making it brutally heavy but having a very firm tongue wedged into a cheek and song titles, samples and lyrics involved are there purely to make you piss yourself. Scumbag College, named after the iconic University Challenge team name from The Young Ones is clearly in the second camp. The brain child of former Subservience vocalist Jay, this one man project has been in the pipeline for a while and classes are about to start, so get your pens and paper out and take this down!
“Intro (Up Scumbag)” opens the syllabus with the University Challenge sample from the TV show The Young Ones before it goes into some heavy sounding riffs. Slow, chunky and pounding, it starts off solid and speeds up towards the end before it explodes into the first of many humorously named tracks. “You Are Not Bruce Lee” is something we all wish we could say to those annoying hardcore dancing folk and their silly gig routines of fighting off invisible ninjas and this song says it loud and clear. Blasting drums, frantic heavy riffing and raw and angry vocals set the tone and the chorus sections have some great slam grooves going down to them. Around two thirds in, there’s a pisstake on some stage banter worthy of Rob Flynn (Think the live version of Old off of Hellalive) before it gets faster, heavier and ends with four of the truest words ever spoken – Hardcore Dancers are cunts!
“Get A Job Parkour Twats” continues in this angry rant against the idiots of society. More tight riffs and blasty bits meet real harsh sounding vocals and when the chorus comes in, it has a real kick to it and some solid groove going on, but the lyrics really steal the show on this one – pointing out when one of these runny, flippy, twisty types falls and hurts themselves, its considered a masterpiece and I have to agree. There is nothing better than a show off face planting concrete in public and this is the ideal soundtrack for it. “I’m Having Shits That Look Like Abortions” brings in the more grotesque element of Slam and its lyrical concepts. Pretty much like the song title suggests, this is a horrific mess of chaos. Harsh vocals which get even more brutal at times over some relentless heavy riffs played at a frantic pace makes for a high paced brutal groove enough to get anyone moving and the added comedy of the Austin Power’s sample (“Who Does Number 2 Work For?!”) makes the morbid content rather amusing in that unique way.
“Battlewank” is the stand out piece of the album. A pisstake power metal track with cheesy vocals over a death metal friendly groove and some real quirky moments – Chiptune lead melodies and solo’s (for those who don’t know, that’s turning an 8bit console like a gameboy into a musical instrument) and I’m fairly certain that there’s a kazoo solo in there too! It’s got a beefy sound and some real big moments, especially in the chorus but the pace and groove of it really locks this all together well. “Cake” is a tribute to Brass Eye and the ‘dangerous drug called Cake’ and it’s best summed up in the following way – sample from Brass Eye episode then riff then “Cake!”… Think Napalm Death’s ‘You Suffer’ but six times the length!
“Jared Leto (Upside Down, In A Ditch, On Fire)” is something a lot of people would like to see and if only this song could become reality. A very out of tune and grating guitar solo opens the track and it could possibly be a cover of a 30 Seconds To Mars song but having tried to avoid hearing them for as long as humanly possible, I have no inclination to take that for the team and to confirm it. As the ‘solo’ ends, a big slam riff kicks in and it gets more twisty in its delivery with some great blasts underneath it before the song title is basically screamed out repeatedly like some kind of wish. “Your Children Are Ugly So Stop Fucking” starts off with some good riffs but then really explodes to life with some frantic sounding blasts and relentless riff work. Throw in more of the same vocal work from earlier in the album, crank the speed up even more to make it get more frantic as the song goes on and have a real pounding heavy breakdown section in and you get a damn fine track!
“Clawpatch” opens up with a dramatic orchestral piece which wouldn’t sound out of place in a Spielberg movie and from there, we get one last offering of big meaty riffs and original material. Great tone, raw vocals and a real headbanging groove to the breakdown, it’s a real solid track which can best be described as controlled chaos. “All That She Wants (Is Another Baby)” wraps the album up and yes… It’s a cover of that awful Ace of Base song from the 90’s. Bastardized and given some extra blasts and slams to make it fit with the album, it works surprisingly well. Harsh vocals and meaty sounding riffs, a real slam and blast friendly chorus and an evil sounding lead melody makes this awful 90’s track slightly less awful and brings a close to the lesson.. I mean album.
Overall “Education” is ridiculously silly. Amusing lyrical content, amusing song titles, heavy and harsh with plenty of quirky bits (A fucking Kazoo solo!!) make the perfect soundtrack to something akin to the ramblings of an angry typical Brit down in the local pub going on about what they hate the most about these days. Plenty of slam and plenty of humour, “Education” is pretty good if you get past the silliness… Up Scumbag!!
(7/10 Fraggle)
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