GothMAlcohol can be a terrible thing. It seemed like such a good idea at the time. It was like it was sat there, lonely, on the shelf at Ave Noctum HQ, cold, shivering and unclaimed – The new Gothminister album. I felt sorry for it. “Oh Why not?” I thought as I returned home from the pub and went rummaging at the back of the fridge for any forgotten cans, “I’ve never heard them, I like a bit of Gothic Metal and who knows, they might be a bit like Charon or maybe Vision Bleak with that whole gothic-theatrical-thingy-ness what they’ve got going on…”

In the cold…and very bright…light of day, Gothminister are INDUSTRIAL Gothic Metal. So No – nothing like Vision Bleak then. More occupying the territory of Deathstars or Oomph! Try reading the description properly Andy…

Bugger.

Oh well, I said I’d sort it so it deserves my full attention. Image-wise Gothminister have a tendency towards the theatrics, as I mentioned earlier, but more on the horror side, a kind of ‘Goth-Lordi’? Maybe a little harsh but you know where I’m coming from. This is their 5th album to date…hang on…FIFTH?? Why the hell am I wasting time describing them? Anyone reading this will probably know more about them than I do! I’ll just concentrate on the music on offer here…

After a suitably dark Horror film style intro (I would have been disappointed with anything less!) we plunge into ‘Someone Is After Me’…and things are off to a very Metal start! Quite reminiscent of To/Die/For and it dawns on me that this might just be one piss-easy and enjoyable review if this continues!

It doesn’t. The title track is much more Gothic Industrial, along the lines of Rammstein with a bit of trad Goth thrown in, all wrapped up in the ever-present dance-floor friendly production. That’s the point really – Gothminister aren’t really trying to appeal to Metalheads like me, they want to fill the Euro-Gothic Dance-floors, so the Assemblage 23 style moments that keep cropping up throughout the album are totally understandable. But hang on, there’s a “Thrashy bit” in ‘Horrorshow’ (maybe as a tribute to Overkill? Probably not…) and ‘Nightmare’ should please anyone who misses the Gothic period of 69 Eyes. ‘Eternal’ and ‘Helldemon’ are the most Deathstars on offer (though there is a little of them in many of the songs on offer here) and there is always a Horror-style under-a-minute interludes lurking ominously around every other track to keep setting the mood. Plenty of shrieky samples in each song to keep reminding you too.

I’ve not mentioned the lyrics. Hmm…OK, the band are Norwegian, so English isn’t their first language, but it’s all quite basic stuff – take last track ‘Boogeyman’ as an example – nothing philosophical here, in fact repeating “Death Is Coming, It’s Coming Fast” starts to get a bit annoying and just left me thinking “OK mate, don’t go on about it, I’m sure it’s just a hang-over…”

In all fairness, it really could have been worse, and we grade these albums on our own personal taste, so that’s what I’ve done. By the way, in the spirit of Professionalism I did listen to the album again without a hang-over…and still didn’t like it. And just to come full circle, I had a few pints and stuck it on again. Nope, still didn’t like it. Never mind, I’m sure there’s plenty of people out there who will.

(5/10 – Andy Barker)

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