Oh Von. Von, Von, Von – never in the history of  black metal has so much been said about so few who have released so little. Two demos released in 1991 and 1992 has been the grand sum of their output over the last two decades yet the discussions, recriminations, offshoots, hero-worship and general ‘cult’ surrounding the band has only served to add fuel to the fires of mystique. Let’s just say, the band have an ‘aura’ about them.

An aura that even the band’s most fervent supporters have to admit was in genuine danger of disappearing like smoke in a hurricane after the band’s atrocious ‘comeback’ gig in London two years ago. For a host of die-hards who worshipped Von’s material (many of whom hadn’t been born when those demos were committed to tape), it was a ghastly shredding of the veil surrounding this most obscure of acts. Sloppy and amateurish, it was quite frankly an embarrassment that served to unravel a lot of the cult goodwill extended to the band over the years.

And now – finally, after over twenty years – we have that long-awaited debut. Yes indeed folks, it’s here – the first proper bona-fide full-length Von album. So what’s it like? Could this be the release to finally cement Von’s name in the annals of black metal? To undo the damage of those ill-fated live shows? Do you even need to ask?

Von have never been about subtlety, complexity or even musicality really. They have made their name with short, sharp, brutal bursts of dungeonic ultra-primitive black metal and that formula is maintained almost completely here. Many of these tracks will be familiar to their fans – ‘Watain’, ‘Lamb’, ‘Veadtuck’ et al are all present and the sheen of a clearer production aside, remain essentially unchanged from their early-90s incarnations. We get some new songs with the occasional new twist – ‘Dissection Inhuman’ for example experiments with about 30 seconds of ambient noise before the usual stuff kicks in – but it’s all very familiar.

I’ve always argued that 10 minutes of Von is enough for anyone. The material is SO basic, SO minimal and SO repetitive that any more than that is completely superfluous to requirements. Therefore, for Satanic Blood to clock in at over an hour is a test of endurance for even the hardiest of souls. That the last two songs are 7-8 minutes in length yet maintain that same formula just tips the whole experience over the edge into an abyss of tedium.

I dunno. Maybe this stuff was relevant in 1992. Maybe there is something to be said for the ritualistic, hypnotic ‘mindfuck’ of listening to the same riff and drum pattern over and over again for 71 minutes. Maybe in the pre-internet days there was a genuine sense of menace surrounding this mysterious, unheard of act (I certainly remember the whispered rumours about this lot back in the mid-90s).

That was then, though and time has moved on. With acts such as Negative Plane, Dodsengel and Ruins of Beverast crafting works with a genuine sense of malice and lurking horror, the old argument that listening to Von is a genuinely disturbing or horrible experience dissipates into vapid self-justification. It isn’t, guys. It really isn’t. Strip away the nostalgia and you are left with just a very dull listening experience.

In many ways, the Emperor’s clothes were revealed to be non-existent at that godawful show back in 2010 and to be honest, all this full-length does is reinforce the inescapable fact that Von are pretty shit. That it has been released to very little fanfare suggests that even Von’s previous devotees may have finally cottoned onto this fact. For the sake of all concerned, let’s hope so.

(4/10 Frank Allain)  

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