Right Al whether you want a ‘rantology’ or not here comes mine!

What the blue rinse fuck are you up to man? First we get all this crap spouted from you about the group being over, for good, forever, never to be brought back. I am sure you made statements in the past about not agreeing with bands that split up and get back together again. They all bloody well do it in the end, it’s something we cannot help but accept, even death seems to be something that doesn’t stop bands from doing it and in times of financial uncertainty such is the glint in the eyes of the more successful artists on the planet it seems they cannot stop themselves. Most wait for a good reason though and not reform a band at the drop of a hat like you Al! Ah yes, it was 2008 that you stated a reunion would never happen and I think it is fair to say your legion of fans, the piss army accepted this. I certainly did, attending your lastLondonshow 27/5/8. At the time your manager said “if anyone wants to see Ministry for the last ever time they can pay to get in, no guest list”. Thanks to very good contacts I got in free (so sue me) and kind of shed a tear watching the group for the last time of many. I did not feel guilty as I have spent loads over the years, hell I even have your early disco shit knocking around here somewhere. But it was the last time, I accepted this Al.

So now you are back, offering me the chance to review your new album via stream only (not able to download, you are too famous for that I guess) and you are not doing interviews either at the moment but might do on tour.  Well you did do one, ‘Full Metal Jackie’ got that honour and on it what did you do? Yep you pissed on all your fans again from a great height. You say it was when recording the Buck Satan album, your last ever record (don’t make me laugh) that you got persuaded by guitarist Mike Scaccia to get Ministry back due to some great riffs and his constant nagging. Yeah of course you didn’t want to do it or the forthcoming dates (how much $ they paying you to headline Wacken Al)? But you hate touring and after these dates supporting an album that you never wanted to make that’s it, Ministry are over again, forever (don’t make me laugh)

To sum up my rant Al, let’s face it you are acting like a bit of a wanker aren’t you?

Rant over, what about the album is it any good? Well once you get past the crap juvenile cover art which is dire beyond belief of course it bloody well annoyingly is. In fact some of these tracks see Ministry blazing away at the fastest velocity we have heard from them in years

You have to agree with Al on opener Ghouldiggers, the music business is run (at the level he is involved with it) by a pack of hyenas and your corpse is worth more to them than when you are busy breathing the earths (not so) fresh air. Once he gets his point across the track bombs in with a hyper kinetic industro bounce about it and the words ‘I’m not dead yet’ spat out with gusto. It’s like Ministry have never been away and the sledgehammer beat of the track just makes you want to smack the shit out of stuff and get in the middle of a pit immediately. ‘Double Tap’ has some serious BPM’s about it, if it were a cartoon it would be Roadrunner fleeing across the desert. It is a mangled wreckage of a car crash and the insanely fast drumming flattens all in its wake. This is up there with songs like ‘Thieves’ and ‘NWO’ in the velocity stakes and could be a modern day Ministry classic if only they stick around long enough to let it be. ‘Freefall’ is as the B-movie sample tells us dedicated to addiction and has a tripped out start before the drugs really take hold and the bouncy jackhammer beat pogos all around the shop like a demented lunatic on a trampoline. Add one of those scalding guitar solos that Mike did not want left on the cutting room floor and you have another great number. ‘Kleptocracy’ is abrasive with mechanical vocals before the melody builds around a female chant of the song title and distempered ‘fuck you’ shouts. Ministry have always been excellent in both choosing and executing covers often not going for the obvious. As far as this one is concerned perhaps it is, as they tackle S.O.D classic ‘United Force’ with gung-ho hardcore militaristic pride!

It’s hard to follow up such a hard hitting A) side to an album but this is after all Ministry and the second half kicks off in style with ‘99 Percenters’ a deliriously uplifting melodic affair despite the subject matter which I imagine most of our readers belong in (if you are not give us your money or fuck off, if you don’t know what it means look it up). Back to the song and it’s a completely infectious one with a bombastic chant of ‘hey, hey’ as its ballast, driving it along. The title track’s next and it’s a jacked up end of days rant that has little in common with a song of the same name by a dead junkie. It’s all about Al’s roar indignant anger and a minimalist and quite simple chugging instrumental section. What could make a track like ‘Weekend Warrior’ better? Guest vocals by Jello B perhaps but those not withstanding it is a punk laden roughneck redneck brawl of a song, complete with a bluesy guitar line for the in between knocking back shots parts of the number. ‘Get Up Get Out N Vote’ is Al getting the kids out there but the nihilistic anarchist in me has to say what’s the point of voting when each and every choice is corrupt and offering false promises? At least when you don’t vote and it all goes to shit you can have the self satisfaction of thinking that you were not contributing to your own demise. The song oh yeah forgot that, well he gets his point across but it’s more Ministry by numbers allowing the singer to get up on his soapbox. How about getting on Capitol Hill yourself when you give up your musical career Al? So ‘Bloodlust’ the last ever Ministry song on the last ever Ministry album ever, yeah right! Bit of a Stooges sounding garage rock out which breezes into one of the strongest melodic tunes of the album. Augmented with the clash of steel and some rocking rotten beats this greasy biker blues number is a fitting finale to the album.

So Al, I kind of feel guilty for calling you a rude name but as first and foremost a fan, you are being damn hard work. Still if it dredges albums like this out of you its better that you shit and stay on the pot! Now stop being a silly-billy get over Rehab and kick it all back into gear again and stick at doing what you are best at, you insufferable old asshat!

(8/10 Pete Woods)       

http://www.thirteenthplanet.com/ministry 

Al you read this? The sue me bit was a joke!